Just a comma

I’ve walked down this path a thousand times these past two years.

Today was my last one.

And as I did, I thought it was funny how life starts to hand you things once you stop looking for them. Like that important item you misplaced a month ago and you now find under your pillow after all this time. Like- friends.

I admit, I was perfectly happy living in my corner of the forest. It was small, yes, but it was safe. After years of anguish and strained friendships, one would feel that friends are not necessity. That it’s hard trying to fit in- to always want to please people, to always need to pretend to be someone you’re not. It would be understandable if one stopped trying. I did, when I started college.

Maybe it was luck. Maybe God felt I had suffered enough. But that small path led someone into my small corner, and straight into my heart. 

I’ve put up walls, I swear I did. But they might as well have been made of paper because really, when I saw her at my doorstep one night, along with two other people I barely knew and let them in, hah they marched right into my chalet and my heart, and made a home out of nothing.

It was disarming.

It was confusing.

But it wasn’t invasive. Because I let them in.

I let them in and they stayed. 

They sat with me for a long time, in my corner of the world. They didn’t rush me, didn’t tell me to hurry up and be brave. Just sat with me, enjoying meaningless conversations and evening tea. They waited, and then when I trusted them enough, they pulled me out into a bigger world.

I barely knew them. They barely knew me. And yet, they wanted to explore a new world together.

I never knew a world could be so bright, so colourful, so full of joy and happiness that it’s bursting at its seams.

I never stopped being grateful.

Now, at the end of the path. I think.. I think God wanted me to learn the way they loved-wholly, selflessly, sincerely with no regrets. To show me how endless is our capacity for love, if only we knew how to do it right. I was at the receiving end so that I could learn how to give. 

Today, I’ve completed my pre-university studies. Today, I took my last walk down that path. When at the beginning, I had walked alone; now my hands are full. With laughter and joy and unrestrained happiness. My hands are full because now I have friends holding them as tightly as I hold theirs.

Thank you for the light you’ve all brought into my life. I’ve laughed more in the past two years than I have for the five years before that.

I cherish all of you. With all my heart.


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